Many inventors live the by motto, “Sure it works, but what if you could use it without your hands?” Telephones, doors, umbrellas that double as hats, umbrellas strapped to the body Baby Bjorn-style, and countless other inventions have succumbed to the siren song of “Hands free.” So it is no surprise that trimming one’s beard also became a candidate for streamlining. Inventor Morton Splink is shown demonstrating how someone can be relieved from the burden of lifting a pair of scissors and snipping hairs. Introduced to the public in 1961, the Beard-o-Trim-o was a failure. The machinery, if it did fit on your bathroom countertop, took up all available space. It was not water proof and prone to shorting out by minimal amounts of splashing from the sink. It was also expensive, costing nearly $250.00, which Splink claimed would be a “minimal investment, considering a ragged beard has been the reason for many men being denied promotion to higher paying jobs.” The Bread-o-Trim-o was also voice activated (note microphone on left), an addition which Splink said made the device truly hands free as one did not have to even flip a switch. Splink is shown here moments before giving the command to “Start Trimming,” which was followed by “Stop! Stop! You’re cutting my chin off!” which was interpreted by the device as “Faster! Faster! Don’t switch off.” Humiliated, chinless, and apparently driven mad by the incident, Splink spent the rest of his days in seclusion, only venturing out when wearing a fake beard of his own design made from a rancid string mop.